I have two children, one son and one girl. My son is the oldest, he was a very easy child to manage. He was and still is very compliant. He never really challenged anything I said. Even grooming was easy. All I had to do was keep his hair cut, washed and brushed. My daughter, of course, is totally different. She has a ton of hair that takes forever to wash and style, and sometimes insists on doing it herself. I’m constantly explaining to her why she can’t wear make-up. She wants to negotiate almost every decision I make. Plus, she is always up to something. Just recently, she decided to sprinkle my Dr. Teal’s Activated Charcoal and Hawaiian Black Lava Salt Epsom Salt, all over her bathroom floor. Why did she do it? She doesn’t even know. She really keeps me on my toes and this past Tuesday, she knocked me clean off my feet.
It was after school and we were in my classroom. I was making sure my room was set up for the next day, writing my agenda on the board, and throwing away old papers. She then starts a conversation that went like this:
Rylin: Mommy.
Me: Yeah?
Rylin: Something happened at school today.
Me: Oh yeah? What?
Rylin: I went to the bathroom to do number one and when I wiped, I saw blood.
Now, before she hit me with that statement, I had a small smile on my face. After she hit me with that statement, the smile froze. I was cool, calm, collected mom on the outside. On the inside, I was freaking out! Inside, my mind was struggling to form complete sentences. I literally said to myself, “Lord….. What? Wait, wait, wait, what? How? Now? Why? The girl just tried to put Vaseline in her toothpaste tube!! You’re doing this now?! God why?! SHE IS NOT READY!!! I’M NOT READY!! She’s only eight!!”
Me: (All outwardly cool, calm and collected) Ok, well, no big deal. Let’s just go to the restroom and check things out.
We went and did what we had to do, and over the next three days, it, a bonafide cycle presented itself. Of course, being the parent I am, we had to have a conversation about it. I did the same with her brother, but I was worried because at that time he was older and more mature. Not to mention the topic was slightly different and not as complicated as what she was now experiencing.
Me: Rylin, your body is changing. You’re growing into a young woman. What this means is that one day, you’ll be able to become a mommy.
Rylin: GASP!! I’m having a baby?!?!
Me: (fighting the urge to laugh and place my face in my hands) No! There has to be a daddy. You can’t have a baby without a daddy. When you are ready to know how a woman gets pregnant with a baby, all you have to do is ask me. We can talk about it. We can talk about anything. Do you want to know now?
Rylin: (emphatically) No!
Me: Ok, fair enough.
I had to call my sister. She was speechless, which says something, because this woman talks all of the time. When she did speak, the first thing she asked me was did I call our mom. I told her no, because she’s my practice call. We remembered one of our first cousins who started her cycle at nine. My daughter will be nine later this year. I called my mom right after talking with my sister and she had the same reaction as my sister and I. She actually said she wasn’t ready. I looked at my phone in disbelief. Did she really just say that??? I’m the one who has to live with her! We decided we would just keep an eye on her and see how long it lasts, record it on the calendar to see if it’s really a monthly thing, or if this is simply a peek a boo and will really show itself later.
During the rest of my talk with Rylin, I had to go through the whole song and dance of how to handle this new responsibility. I’m not sure she really gets it all, but of course, I’ll be right there to guide her through it. That’s my job. I’m her momma and she’s my baby girl. I’d rather she learn all of this from me than anyone else. I cannot let her try to navigate this on her own. I’m reminded of how my mom had no clue when it happened to her. Many women from her generation did not have parents who talked to them about things like that. My mother was there for me. We were there for my sister and I now have a village of women to support my daughter.
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